Sick of the drama

And the search continues...

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 02:16:00 +0000

So, I have been umemployed now for about 7 weeks. I am not freaking out yet, but I would really really like a job. I am so bored. I can't believe people voluntarily don't work. I am trying hard to enjoy the fact that at least I am unemployed during the summer, so it's like I am back in school and on summer vacation. Except I have to pay my own bills, haha. As hard as it has been to look for a new job I am so glad I took the chance and left the family business to take the risk and find my own place out there. I haven't written in so long b/c frankly my life has been pretty boring. And strangely enough, I am quite happy about that. It's weird to feel so at peace, finally. I actually decided this weekend to stop therapy for now. I feel like I am at a place in my life where I can handle things on my own, but have the courage to know if I need help I can always go back. I feel so proud that I worked hard enough on myself to reach this point. Well I will be back when I have some more stuff to tell. Till then...

I Quit!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Fri, 26 May 2006 18:50:00 +0000

So, I did it, I quit my job. I couldn't deal with working with the fam for one more day. Except now I am unemployed, a state I have never been in before. I gave myself this week off to decompress and get myself together. On Tuesday I will look for temp work while I look for something full time. Hope it won't be too long for that to happen. All my friends have been amazing. I feel so great, so free. I am not even that scared. I even had a good date last week with A. I am going out with him again on Sunday. And, I've even lost more weight! Down 6 lbs total. Only 7 more lbs to my mini goal. Ok, time for more soaps!! Till later.

Bored

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Wed, 17 May 2006 15:47:00 +0000

So, the job search continues. I knew I wouldn't find something right away, but I didn't think it would be this hard. I have submitted hundreds of resumes from all the online job boards and have gotten nothing! Really sucks for the morale. I mean really, am I that undesireable? Hopefully something will turn up soon because I need to shake things up. I feel so stagnant here and it doesn't help that I am barely speaking to my family. I hate how it taken over my life, it's all I think about. If it wasn't for this job/family crap life would be just fine. Single life hasn't treated me too badly, I am always busy with something and have really settled into life on my own (not that I would shoo away a cutie who wanted to spend time with me). My friends/neighbors are trying to start up a book club. I hope it works out b/c I think it could be fun and a nice way to interact with new people. I also planted gorgeous flowers on my balcony last weekend with my best friend L. I wish I knew how to post photos on this thing so I could show you all. They are so vibrant, I love sitting out there and just taking in the beauty. It's my own little garden of eden, I feel so relaxed when I am out there. Okay I'm starving. Time for lunch. Till later.

i give up

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Wed, 03 May 2006 02:26:00 +0000

So, I really thought trainer guy was interested. Boy was I wrong. He gave me that look yesterday, you know the look, the one that reads you poor pathetic creature, I could never like you in that way. The guy will have sex with a woman who has a facial deformity, yet I repulse him (sorry I know that sounds awful, but I won't sensor my thoughts). As soon as I saw the look I pulled the lets forget about it face. And so, it has been forgotten, at least we both pretend it has been. I just can't believe I misread him so badly. I don't really buy it. My suspicion is there was so thought, but he is not contemplating getting back with his ex, who he is having dinner with this weekend. Oh well, his loss. Yet again I find myself saying that about a guy who does not want me. When will one ever want me??? Why do I even want one? Somethings gotta give here, b/c between the desperate job search, the diet that just does not work and the constant man rejection, it's just too much. Sometimes I still can't believe my life turned out this way. I made so many wrong turns. Why do I make such crappy decisions???? Till later.

To Much Stress

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Mon, 01 May 2006 15:37:00 +0000

If I don't get a job soon I'm afraid I might explode. I have had a tension headache for no less then 2 weeks now. I haven't felt this stressed in so long. Dealing with my family is just too much for me at this point and what makes it worse is I have weekends of family crap coming up, not to mention I work with a good portion of them every freakin day! Luckily I have had some bites on the old resume, so I am hoping something will come of it. It seems I am being geared toward recruiting. Even my friends think I would be good at it. I am game for just about anything, esp a career that has a decent salary. I would love to pay that stupid amex off. Thank you ex husband and sickly dog, who turned out not to be sick at all, just staging a hunger strike to freak me out. Plus I am upset about the trainer situation. I am really convinced he feels the same way, I can't believe I really misread all the signs. I will see him tonight for the first time after the infamous text message signaling my interest. I wonder how that will go down. Hopefully not as bad as my imagination has configured. And a weird sighting this morning. As I am waiting in line to go down the stairs at the port authority, who is in front of me, P. Remember him, the 38 year old that was only looking to have fun at this stage of his life. He just started a job in the city. I didn't say hi, had bad breath from sleeping on the bus. FUnny thing was I was thinking about him this morning as I drifted off on my commuter nap. Small world. Till later.

Stupid, stupid, stupid

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 13:36:00 +0000

So, yes, I once again opened my big mouth and told a guy that I liked him. When will I ever learn that this does NOT work! Do I have to be beaten over the head to learn not to do this??? The thing is I actually like this guy, I really think we connect. UGH, why do I torture myself like this. I am an idiot. The worst part is, he's my trainer, so I need to see him twice a week and feel stupid. Hopefully he will suffer from selective amnesia and not remember that I told him! I should just accept the fact that I suck at getting guys and give in to just being single. At least there's less stress in that! I can't reject myself! Still searching for a job, need to get out of my family's business, my stress level is beyond measure. I had a phone interview with a staffing agency and a meeting with a recruiter. Hopefully this will lead to some interviews. Both interviews are for working for a staffing coming, never done it before but I seem to be getting feedback that it is a good fit for me. So only time will tell. To make my life more stressful I have a month full of family stuff to get through. Including a trip to Las Vegas where I need to spend time with my evil sister in law for 3 days! G-d I can't wait for june. I need a week off to decompress before my head pops off! Till later.

What is lonley?

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Sun, 02 Apr 2006 03:19:00 +0000

So for awhile now I've done a pretty good job at convincing myself I was happy alone, and I don't mean in the "I don't have a significant only" sense. I mean alone as in being alone, spending time by myself, a lot. Today I felt really lonely. Mostly this sadness came because I feel so detached from my family. They are a complicated bunch, but they are hurting me in a way they are unable to see only because they refuse to see it. This probably doesn't make any sense. My family are like camels, they keep their heads buried deep in the sand, anything to avoid seeing what is real. They judge because I think they are afraid of what they will see if they focus on themselves instead of keeping their focus on how others lead their lives. The saddest part is they are missing out on the fun of life. Maybe I am too. I want so hard to embrace it all and take it all in, but I feel held back. I used to blame them for holding me back, but it's me that is holding me back. Maybe that is why I don't lose this weight, maybe (as my therapist has pointed out numerous times), the extra weight is a shield to keep me from really getting out there. I want so many things I just don't know how to get them. I am so afraid of losing my family, but what scares me is they don't seem to be afraid of losing me. I think sometimes they take me, my presence forgranted. But yet, I don't pull away, no matter how many times they knock me down I keep coming back for more. I hate that about myself. I did that with my ex husband. I am so mad I never think I deserve better. I am so afraid to take chances. Like a new job, or telling someone I like them or even telling my sister in law where she can shove it. I am so afraid of making a mistake, of losing or being hurt. I just want to be brave. I have to go for a medical test on Tuesday, too many abnormal paps in the past 2 years. I've had this test before and it came back as nothing, but now I fear I won't be so lucky. Am I brave enough to deal with something that big? Till later.

Huh, part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Tue, 21 Mar 2006 14:45:00 +0000

I just don't get guys. So P comes to my birthday dinner (after leaving me a message that he will not be staying over, I guess no birthday sex for me), and procedes to give me a lip kiss (which I of course was not expecting, so was going for the cheek. Don't you hate those awkward kind of kisses???!!!)). He sits next to me at dinner and then gives me more lip services as he parts. What is the deal? It's called kiss the cheek when you are no longer sleeping with the girl. Even my guys friends were confused by him. I got a resounding stay away from him from all. I agree. He is too messed up. Life is too short for this bullshit. I have been enjoying the solitude of my single life but sometimes I wonder if I was not on Lexapro would it be so easy. My feelings are defintely dulled from them in the sense that things that used to overwhelm me barely make a mark now. I know that should be a good thing, but for someone who is so used to be being very emotionally aware it is odd to be so detached from how I feel. I can't explain this well enough, but I feel so much like a different person. I never thought I would really not care about ending up alone. Do I really feel that way though? Or am I so good at convincing myself so I dont' completely fall apart??? I wish I had the answer to that. I have developed quite a routine for myself and I really like it. I spend my week day nights at the gym (not that you would know it from looking at me). I eat dinner, watch tv, play on the computer, talk to friends, read and sleep. The weekends are pretty much the same. I even signed up for netflix. Saturday nights are usually the only time I get lonely. Don't get me wrong I do go out friend, but not every weekend. I've also tried out hanging out at starbucks with a book on Sunday afternoons, it was actually nice and I got a lot of reading done. What I would love to start doing is write while I'm there, but I don't have the confidence that I am good enough to actually write a novel. On a totally different topic, I think I may be developing a crush on my trainer. Sometimes I think he may feel the same, but his comes from just ending a long relationship and scared of being single. Ah, just imagine what great shape I would be in if I ended up with a trainer, plus a free gym membership, haha. Till later.

Huh?

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Mon, 13 Mar 2006 01:00:00 +0000

Okay so when I last wrote P had made it clear that he was not interested in a relationship. So, I said friends with benefits is fine with me. Then I didn't hear back. Now, 2 weeks later he calls and he rsvps that he is coming to my birthday bash in Hoboken next weekend. Men are weird. I don't think I should bother trying to figure him out. Hey maybe I'll at least get sex on my birthday, haha! Can't really complain about life in general but my weight is still plaguing me. I am so sick of being fat. I have been working out hard and trying to stick to weight watchers, I hope so bad it works. I feel so scared I will be stuck looking like this and no one would ever want to be with me. I hate being so obsessed with food and what eating it means, every morsel in my mouth is filled with a million consequences and racked with guilt. It's exhausting. I just wish food was food. I wish I could have my body back pre divorce. I hate that M is still affecting me even if it is in such an indirect way. I hate that I have lost total control of my physical self. It's so frustrating and scary. What if I never lose the weight, what if I just keep getting fatter?? It is too much to even wrap my mind around. Then I feel guilt even worrying about something so trivial when my best friend's husband (also a good friend) just lost his dad. Life is just so fucked up. Till later.

No committment please

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Mon, 27 Feb 2006 00:29:00 +0000

So, I found out today that while P likes to hang out he is not looking for anything serious. (this struck me as funny b/c he sent me roses for valentine's day). And I quote, "at this point in my life I just want to have fun". By the way he is 38! I was a little upset at first, not that I let him know this. I told him I understood and high tailed it home. But once I thought it through, I figured why not just have some fun. I'm not really interested in joining the dating scene, so at least I would get to go out with a guy on occasion and have sex. I think I could live with that for now. Plus, I kind of like how my life is now. The focus is entirely on me. I don't have to deal with someone else's schedule, life issues or family. And I know I keep saying this, but it helps for me to keep reminding myself, but I do want to focus on me. I want to get in better shape, not just weight wise, but also exercise wise too. I enjoy working out with my trainer and getting into spin class and being single allows me to make a schedule that works for me. I never have to miss a class or a workout b/c of relationship stuff. So, for now we will just stay as we are. It is kind of fun and defintely something I have never done before. Till later.

Just content

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Wed, 15 Feb 2006 14:56:00 +0000

I got roses from P for valentine's day. it was a pleasant surprise, as I was not expecting anything. I wish he felt more comfortable around me. I always thought he was such a player, but maybe I misjudged him. I was so blown away by the flowers I danced around the apartment and kissed the card that came with them. I really have such a good feeling about things with me and him. It makes me a little sad we don't live a bit closer. I am working really hard at being patient, b/c if it's meant to be everything will fall into place. I know he's got a lot on his plate now with new apartment, new nephew and maybe new job, plus there is also the fact that he has to get used to having a new "girlfriend" as well (that would be me, haha). Life overall is good, so I feel really happy about. For the first time in a really long time (maybe ever) I feel content. I got myself back on weight watchers this week and hope that 3rd times a charm. I am trying really hard to stick with it and ignore the desire to overeat. I am going to the gym consistently and working with a trainer. I feel good, now I just want results, but alas, another thing I need to be patient about! I need to be patient with a lot of things and it is my worst trait! It's so weird how life works. I can't believe that it is just about a year since my ex walked out on me and things have changed so much for me. I never thought I would be able to move on and be happy and again, and here it is one year later and I am thrilled with where I am (except for those stupid 20lbs I can't lose). I am also amazed that my anger and hatred for him has dimmed to barely nothing. I feel like he never existed, in fact I feel like those 2 years never existed, like they were erased from my life. I guess I have to make up for that lost time now! Till later.

So excited!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 19:38:00 +0000

To top of an amazing weekend, where my dog finally ate and is feeling better and an amazing date with P and friends, I come to work on MOnday and find out I have won the grand prize from a plj contest early the week before. A prize I had no idea I was even entered in to win! I am going with my good friend B to LA to see the SAG awards. WOOHOO. So excited. I have never been to LA before, so looking forward to seeing what it's like. We get round trip tickets, hotel stay at Le Meredian in Beverly Hill and 2 tix to see the award show. I wonder if they give swag bags out to regular people. It's a quick trip, Saturday to Monday, but still fun nonetheless. I can't wait to gawk at celebs and see lots of plastic people! Too bad I can't shake 10 lbs before I leave, haha. This is probably one of the most exciting things I have ever done. Does that make me sound completely dull? Whatever, I am going to a 2 day vacation, much needed I might add. My last vacation was a nightmare of a honeymoon with my ex 1 1/2 years ago! Hopefully I'll have some good stuff to write about when I get. Till then!

People are reading this and doggy drama

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Thu, 19 Jan 2006 18:05:00 +0000

I just happened to glance at the counter on my blog and notice people have been reading it! Wow, it's so weird, I never thought anyone would be too interested in what I have to say. Not that I was really doing it for that anyway, but it is kind of cool. Now, on to more serious matters. My poor dog has been very sick. I have been in and out of the animal hospital with her since Monday. Last week she just stopped eating. At first I thought it was just a little bug and she is a pretty picky eater, but after more then 4 days I knew there was a problem. Needless to say after $2400 in medical tests and a hospital stay they can not figure out what is wrong with her. I am now syringe feeding her and shoving amoxocilin down the poor little baby's throught. She is not happy with me. And I am freaking out. I have had her for 5 years and she really is my baby. She was there through my divorce and I swear she helped me through. I know non animal people don't understand, but she is like my child. I am so freaked out she is going to die. What's more confounding is the amount I have spent and they have no idea what is wrong with her. I have to keep my hope up that the antibiotics work and eventually she begins to eat on her own again. Force feeding a dog mushy food is no picnic, let me tell you. I know I have to give it time, but it is so scary and I feel so bad for her. Now for some good news, I am going to see P on Saturday. We are going out for a friends birthday dinner. I am looking forward to spending time with him and letting off some steam. I am a bit freaked out about getting my amex bill! My mom and I joked that Joeie will have to work in commercials to help pay the bills. If only! Till later.

Really trying

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Sat, 14 Jan 2006 01:50:00 +0000

So after much conversation with best friend L and trusty therapist A, I have decided to just play it cool. Not going to worry about where it's going or if he's the one, I am just going to have fun with it. And you know what, I feel a little better about the whole thing. Fun is the point, right? Duh. Sometimes I need to be knocked over the head a few times. So, I threw caution to the wind, sent P at quick email hi and got a response and date out of it! We are doing low key movie on sat night. No sleepover as he has soon to be new house stuff to take care of. I think that is good though. Slows things down a bit. I am also looking forward to my normal sunday morning routine of the gym and a starbucks. I am really looking forward to next weekend. A whole bunch of friends (including P) are going for friends bday to dinner in the city and a fancy strip club! How funny is that. Probably one of the more adventurous things I have done in my life. Should be a blast, I am very excited for a crazy let loose night. Should be fun to interact with P and friends, see how the dynamic is. I realized yesterday that I really am enjoying life. I may not have the body I really want or the dream job I pine for, but that's ok. I figure it will all happen at some point down the road. I am content. I even realized that I am not angry at ex hubby M. I am a firm believer in karma, what goes around comes around, I am content with knowing I don't need to do a thing for him to get what he deserves, he will take care of that on his own. I am just happy to have him out of my life and hopefully soon out of my town. Ok, off to bed to read a book and eat a skinny cow ice cream. Till later.

AHHHHHHHHHHH

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Thu, 12 Jan 2006 14:32:00 +0000

Ok, I officially give up. Date with new boy K was okay, but he's not for me. Nice guy, but there was no spark for me. I thought he felt the same way until I got an email from him today asking me out again. Why is it the guys you don't to call do and the ones you pine after keep you guessing. As you have probably figured out I have not heard from P since our dinner date on Saturday. I just don't get it. Now I am paranoid that he only said yes to next weekend b/c he felt bad saying no to my face. Maybe he will cancel at the last minute. Why can I just not care about any of this. I can't seem to keep any of my resolution. I am caring about this and my diet is not working well. I think I need a vacation. I'm not expecting P and I to jump to serious relationship, but I would like it to be that we are starting a relationship. Even thought I did sleep with him that is very atypical of me. I've never jumped into bed with a guy before. I would really love to see where this could go with him, but how do I tell him that. It seems kind of soon to have the relationship talk, but I need to protect myself too. After my nightmare of a marriage I don't want any games. I've been through too much to get knocked down again. I don't want to continue with what ever it is we are doing if we are not in the same place. I know me well enough to know I will fall for him and he will push away. I need a guy this time around that really wants to be with me and spend time with me and be comfortable being in a relationship. Can you tell my ex put me through the ringer?? If that's not enough I am having such a hard time losing weight. I've been at the gym 5 days a week, cardio, trainer, basically kicking butt. I gave up my starbucks lattes, no bagels, I eat lean cuisine for lunch, but still no progress. I know I can't give up, but I wish I would see some more results. Ok, I think I just need a nice quiet weekend. Till later.

More about the Boy, and maybe a new boy

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Tue, 10 Jan 2006 17:10:00 +0000

So I made P dinner on Saturday. It went well. He stayed over again. I invited him to a friend's birthday gathering and he said yes w/o hesitation. So, I guess that's good. The thing is, he hasn't asked me out again. I don't get the games. But once again I am breaking my i don't care resolution. On that note, I have a date with K tonight. A friend of a friend type thing. Figured I have to keep my options open, right? On a non-boy note, I really have to get back into the job search. I've been frustrated b/c I have gotten not one response from any resumes I have sent out. Is this an omen that I am doomed to work for my parents forever? UGH. Ok, time for Lean Cuisine. I hate dieting. Till later.

The Boy, the saga continues

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Fri, 06 Jan 2006 03:19:00 +0000

So I took my brother's advice and sent P an email inviting him to dinner. He said yes. So now I am even more confused. Does he like me, does he not like me. AHHHHH. I guess it is a good sign that he said yes, and now I will have to wait until Saturday to see what happens. Some have raised the question that maybe he is not sure if I like him. I feel like I am pretty obvious about how I feel, but maybe not. I guess life is too short to worry about stuff like this and I am basically breaking my new year's resolution by caring about this so much. I should just enjoy the ride. Till later.

Weight Watchers, again

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Thu, 05 Jan 2006 15:06:00 +0000

So, I started Weight Watchers again. Hopefully this time I will have more success. So far I've lost a pound! I've also been really focused at the gym, so I'm happy about that. I like having a trainer and I think I will use my whole bonus on more sessions. It's worth it. Why use it to buy clothes that I don't even think look that great on me. My goal is to be down 10lbs by my birthday in March. I think I can do it. That would bring me down to 125, a weight that I am more used to being then my current 134. I have faith this time I can do it, esp b/c I am excerising much more and at a higher intensity. Besides losing weight and being more fit my new year's resolution this year is to focus on me and not care about guys. We'll see how long that lasts! Speaking of guys I heard from P again, the guy I've been pining for. He calls often, but hasn't asked me out again. I just don't get it. My brother says just ask him out myself, so maybe I will do just that tonight. Have nothing to lose at this point. Why are men so confusing??? On the job front, I am still having no luck. I have been applying through monster, careerbuilder and hotjob, but so far no interviews. I never thought it would be this hard to find something. It has been 7 years since I last looked, but who knew things have changed so much. My job is very cushy now, but I don't think I can work for my family forever, I need to branch out. Ok, guess I should work. Till later.

New Year New me???

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Mon, 02 Jan 2006 17:47:00 +0000

I feel like I always say this, but I've had enough. No more men. They are too confusing, the games are too exhausting, yuck. For now the focus is me. Gym, diet, skinniness (is that even a word?). I just can't deal with all the work and effort a man takes. I guess after what I've been through I can see through all that stuff now and I just don't want to deal with it. I guess when the right one comes along all the games end, right? So, my new year's resolution is to not worry about ending up alone, or never having kids, but instead just enjoy my life, get to where I want to be physically and emotionally, find a job I love and have fun with my friends and family. Screw guys. This is the year of ME! Okay, off to buy a new winter coat, see I'm off to a good start. Till later.

The Boy

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 22:30:00 +0000

He called, he called. So excited. This is the first guy since my divorce I have been remotely interested in. There is a long story behind him, but can't get into that now. I am so happy he called. I thought for sure he thought I was too chubby and carried too much baggage to warrant another date. Hopefully I was wrong. That will not stop me from taking tomorrow's 9:30 AM (yes got the day off of work, woohoo) spin class and if I'm not too hung over Sunday's 9 AM class as well, b/c I think I am too chubby! I haven't called him back yet, that will have to wait till after therapy tonight. Don't want to have to rush off the phone. I wonder what he wants? I wonder if he will ask me out for New Year's? Not that it matter b/c I have plans and after a pep talk with my best friend L I will not give in and see him over my friends. He will still like me if I say no. Right??!! G-d I hate dating. Till next time.

The Gym

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Wed, 28 Dec 2005 23:03:00 +0000

I feel like the gym is the central part of my life. not b/c I love going mind you but b/c I am obsessed (unhealthily I might add) with food. So tonight I meet with my expensive trainer who better help whip me into shape or otherwise I wasted my work bonus on it! What I would rather do is sit at home watching all 3 CSI's and eating peanut butter m&m's and sipping jasmine tea. But alas, that is what is making me so chubby. Plus, if I want the latest possibility in my life to be remotely interested in me I better lose some of the divorce flab. UGH, why could I have not been born with a great metabolism and a supreme indifference to food. I hate girls like that, in fact I hate people in general like that! I struggle a good part of my day with wanting to eat things and scolding myself for even thinking of it given my latest state of fatness. Ok, off to burn some calories (I hope).

Dating and more ex drama

noreply@blogger.com (Elisa) — Wed, 28 Dec 2005 16:42:00 +0000

Ah where to start. Well, I found out yesterday that my ex husband of 4 months has moved in with his girlfriend. This alone would be enough to set the stomach muscles cramping, but it is just the drop in the bucket. I have suspected for the past month or so that he may have been having an affair since the beginning of our very short marriage. I of course was too stupid to see it then. So annoyed about the whole thing. Plus, the woman I suspect was someone from work who he supervised (she was his intern basically). Obviously so unethical b/c he had to submit reviews for her grade. Can't prove that is who it is with, but I have strong suspicions that it is and that he was sleeping with her while we were married. I feel like such an idiot for not knowing. I am so happy to be free of him, but not happy about the fact that he left me with all the wedding debt. I know it in the end it's better b/c I was able to get divorced quickly and being free is more important then money. G-d I just hate that I let someone like that in my life. He is clearly a nut job.

Even with that little bit of drama life has not been bad. I have been dating which is kind of fun. Mostly guys not my type, but some who are. Of course the one I like may not want to continue, I don't think he can handle my past or any girl who has a past. He might be one of those guys who dreams of girl with a clean slate. Good luck to him, haha. I do have some other prospects, so we will see what happens. I did try the online dating thing again briefly, but decided it's not for me anymore. I only seem to meet weird guys that way. I guess I'll just have to hope people will set me up or I'll meet some guy magically on the subway! Anyone have any suggestions? Guess I should do some real work. Till tomorrow.