No committment please

So, I found out today that while P likes to hang out he is not looking for anything serious. (this struck me as funny b/c he sent me roses for valentine's day). And I quote, "at this point in my life I just want to have fun". By the way he is 38! I was a little upset at first, not that I let him know this. I told him I understood and high tailed it home. But once I thought it through, I figured why not just have some fun. I'm not really interested in joining the dating scene, so at least I would get to go out with a guy on occasion and have sex. I think I could live with that for now. Plus, I kind of like how my life is now. The focus is entirely on me. I don't have to deal with someone else's schedule, life issues or family. And I know I keep saying this, but it helps for me to keep reminding myself, but I do want to focus on me. I want to get in better shape, not just weight wise, but also exercise wise too. I enjoy working out with my trainer and getting into spin class and being single allows me to make a schedule that works for me. I never have to miss a class or a workout b/c of relationship stuff. So, for now we will just stay as we are. It is kind of fun and defintely something I have never done before. Till later.

Just content

I got roses from P for valentine's day. it was a pleasant surprise, as I was not expecting anything. I wish he felt more comfortable around me. I always thought he was such a player, but maybe I misjudged him. I was so blown away by the flowers I danced around the apartment and kissed the card that came with them. I really have such a good feeling about things with me and him. It makes me a little sad we don't live a bit closer. I am working really hard at being patient, b/c if it's meant to be everything will fall into place. I know he's got a lot on his plate now with new apartment, new nephew and maybe new job, plus there is also the fact that he has to get used to having a new "girlfriend" as well (that would be me, haha). Life overall is good, so I feel really happy about. For the first time in a really long time (maybe ever) I feel content. I got myself back on weight watchers this week and hope that 3rd times a charm. I am trying really hard to stick with it and ignore the desire to overeat. I am going to the gym consistently and working with a trainer. I feel good, now I just want results, but alas, another thing I need to be patient about! I need to be patient with a lot of things and it is my worst trait! It's so weird how life works. I can't believe that it is just about a year since my ex walked out on me and things have changed so much for me. I never thought I would be able to move on and be happy and again, and here it is one year later and I am thrilled with where I am (except for those stupid 20lbs I can't lose). I am also amazed that my anger and hatred for him has dimmed to barely nothing. I feel like he never existed, in fact I feel like those 2 years never existed, like they were erased from my life. I guess I have to make up for that lost time now! Till later.