So excited!!!!!

To top of an amazing weekend, where my dog finally ate and is feeling better and an amazing date with P and friends, I come to work on MOnday and find out I have won the grand prize from a plj contest early the week before. A prize I had no idea I was even entered in to win! I am going with my good friend B to LA to see the SAG awards. WOOHOO. So excited. I have never been to LA before, so looking forward to seeing what it's like. We get round trip tickets, hotel stay at Le Meredian in Beverly Hill and 2 tix to see the award show. I wonder if they give swag bags out to regular people. It's a quick trip, Saturday to Monday, but still fun nonetheless. I can't wait to gawk at celebs and see lots of plastic people! Too bad I can't shake 10 lbs before I leave, haha. This is probably one of the most exciting things I have ever done. Does that make me sound completely dull? Whatever, I am going to a 2 day vacation, much needed I might add. My last vacation was a nightmare of a honeymoon with my ex 1 1/2 years ago! Hopefully I'll have some good stuff to write about when I get. Till then!

People are reading this and doggy drama

I just happened to glance at the counter on my blog and notice people have been reading it! Wow, it's so weird, I never thought anyone would be too interested in what I have to say. Not that I was really doing it for that anyway, but it is kind of cool. Now, on to more serious matters. My poor dog has been very sick. I have been in and out of the animal hospital with her since Monday. Last week she just stopped eating. At first I thought it was just a little bug and she is a pretty picky eater, but after more then 4 days I knew there was a problem. Needless to say after $2400 in medical tests and a hospital stay they can not figure out what is wrong with her. I am now syringe feeding her and shoving amoxocilin down the poor little baby's throught. She is not happy with me. And I am freaking out. I have had her for 5 years and she really is my baby. She was there through my divorce and I swear she helped me through. I know non animal people don't understand, but she is like my child. I am so freaked out she is going to die. What's more confounding is the amount I have spent and they have no idea what is wrong with her. I have to keep my hope up that the antibiotics work and eventually she begins to eat on her own again. Force feeding a dog mushy food is no picnic, let me tell you. I know I have to give it time, but it is so scary and I feel so bad for her. Now for some good news, I am going to see P on Saturday. We are going out for a friends birthday dinner. I am looking forward to spending time with him and letting off some steam. I am a bit freaked out about getting my amex bill! My mom and I joked that Joeie will have to work in commercials to help pay the bills. If only! Till later.

Really trying

So after much conversation with best friend L and trusty therapist A, I have decided to just play it cool. Not going to worry about where it's going or if he's the one, I am just going to have fun with it. And you know what, I feel a little better about the whole thing. Fun is the point, right? Duh. Sometimes I need to be knocked over the head a few times. So, I threw caution to the wind, sent P at quick email hi and got a response and date out of it! We are doing low key movie on sat night. No sleepover as he has soon to be new house stuff to take care of. I think that is good though. Slows things down a bit. I am also looking forward to my normal sunday morning routine of the gym and a starbucks. I am really looking forward to next weekend. A whole bunch of friends (including P) are going for friends bday to dinner in the city and a fancy strip club! How funny is that. Probably one of the more adventurous things I have done in my life. Should be a blast, I am very excited for a crazy let loose night. Should be fun to interact with P and friends, see how the dynamic is. I realized yesterday that I really am enjoying life. I may not have the body I really want or the dream job I pine for, but that's ok. I figure it will all happen at some point down the road. I am content. I even realized that I am not angry at ex hubby M. I am a firm believer in karma, what goes around comes around, I am content with knowing I don't need to do a thing for him to get what he deserves, he will take care of that on his own. I am just happy to have him out of my life and hopefully soon out of my town. Ok, off to bed to read a book and eat a skinny cow ice cream. Till later.

AHHHHHHHHHHH

Ok, I officially give up. Date with new boy K was okay, but he's not for me. Nice guy, but there was no spark for me. I thought he felt the same way until I got an email from him today asking me out again. Why is it the guys you don't to call do and the ones you pine after keep you guessing. As you have probably figured out I have not heard from P since our dinner date on Saturday. I just don't get it. Now I am paranoid that he only said yes to next weekend b/c he felt bad saying no to my face. Maybe he will cancel at the last minute. Why can I just not care about any of this. I can't seem to keep any of my resolution. I am caring about this and my diet is not working well. I think I need a vacation. I'm not expecting P and I to jump to serious relationship, but I would like it to be that we are starting a relationship. Even thought I did sleep with him that is very atypical of me. I've never jumped into bed with a guy before. I would really love to see where this could go with him, but how do I tell him that. It seems kind of soon to have the relationship talk, but I need to protect myself too. After my nightmare of a marriage I don't want any games. I've been through too much to get knocked down again. I don't want to continue with what ever it is we are doing if we are not in the same place. I know me well enough to know I will fall for him and he will push away. I need a guy this time around that really wants to be with me and spend time with me and be comfortable being in a relationship. Can you tell my ex put me through the ringer?? If that's not enough I am having such a hard time losing weight. I've been at the gym 5 days a week, cardio, trainer, basically kicking butt. I gave up my starbucks lattes, no bagels, I eat lean cuisine for lunch, but still no progress. I know I can't give up, but I wish I would see some more results. Ok, I think I just need a nice quiet weekend. Till later.

More about the Boy, and maybe a new boy

So I made P dinner on Saturday. It went well. He stayed over again. I invited him to a friend's birthday gathering and he said yes w/o hesitation. So, I guess that's good. The thing is, he hasn't asked me out again. I don't get the games. But once again I am breaking my i don't care resolution. On that note, I have a date with K tonight. A friend of a friend type thing. Figured I have to keep my options open, right? On a non-boy note, I really have to get back into the job search. I've been frustrated b/c I have gotten not one response from any resumes I have sent out. Is this an omen that I am doomed to work for my parents forever? UGH. Ok, time for Lean Cuisine. I hate dieting. Till later.

The Boy, the saga continues

So I took my brother's advice and sent P an email inviting him to dinner. He said yes. So now I am even more confused. Does he like me, does he not like me. AHHHHH. I guess it is a good sign that he said yes, and now I will have to wait until Saturday to see what happens. Some have raised the question that maybe he is not sure if I like him. I feel like I am pretty obvious about how I feel, but maybe not. I guess life is too short to worry about stuff like this and I am basically breaking my new year's resolution by caring about this so much. I should just enjoy the ride. Till later.

Weight Watchers, again

So, I started Weight Watchers again. Hopefully this time I will have more success. So far I've lost a pound! I've also been really focused at the gym, so I'm happy about that. I like having a trainer and I think I will use my whole bonus on more sessions. It's worth it. Why use it to buy clothes that I don't even think look that great on me. My goal is to be down 10lbs by my birthday in March. I think I can do it. That would bring me down to 125, a weight that I am more used to being then my current 134. I have faith this time I can do it, esp b/c I am excerising much more and at a higher intensity. Besides losing weight and being more fit my new year's resolution this year is to focus on me and not care about guys. We'll see how long that lasts! Speaking of guys I heard from P again, the guy I've been pining for. He calls often, but hasn't asked me out again. I just don't get it. My brother says just ask him out myself, so maybe I will do just that tonight. Have nothing to lose at this point. Why are men so confusing??? On the job front, I am still having no luck. I have been applying through monster, careerbuilder and hotjob, but so far no interviews. I never thought it would be this hard to find something. It has been 7 years since I last looked, but who knew things have changed so much. My job is very cushy now, but I don't think I can work for my family forever, I need to branch out. Ok, guess I should work. Till later.

New Year New me???

I feel like I always say this, but I've had enough. No more men. They are too confusing, the games are too exhausting, yuck. For now the focus is me. Gym, diet, skinniness (is that even a word?). I just can't deal with all the work and effort a man takes. I guess after what I've been through I can see through all that stuff now and I just don't want to deal with it. I guess when the right one comes along all the games end, right? So, my new year's resolution is to not worry about ending up alone, or never having kids, but instead just enjoy my life, get to where I want to be physically and emotionally, find a job I love and have fun with my friends and family. Screw guys. This is the year of ME! Okay, off to buy a new winter coat, see I'm off to a good start. Till later.